It appears that there is a debate in Norwegian BDSM forums about the relationship between prostitution and BDSM. There are many views on this issue, and in my opinion, the debate has one big problem: what is prostitution? Well, prostitution is, in Norway, selling and buying sex. So what is sex?
The problem here is that it is currently not illegal to sell and buy sex. So seems not to be any clear definition about what prostitution enhances. A new law will be made soon that makes it illegal to buy sexual favours (selling it is apparently OK...), so hopefully an official definition will then be made.
As it is, sex is very unclear to those who discuss prostitution and BDSM in Norway. The reason for this is that some see prostitution as selling and buying genital/anal sex, while others see it as anything that could possibly be sexual. If two people are kissing and fondling, it's sex for some and just messing around for others, depending on the situation. So what about professional BDSM? Is it sex? Is a pro Domme selling sex when she is paid for whipping a butt, or for dressing a man up in a dress? Does a man buy sex when he pays a woman for making her make him lie under a table while she watches TV and chats with her friend on the phone? Is a pro Domme a prostitute when genitals are not involved? In my opinion: no! She's not a prostitute.
But there are those who do think she is a prostitute, because they see any form of BDSM as sex. As for me, I'm not having sex when I get my nails done, nor when I get a well deserved pedicure. And I'm not having sex when I make a guy walk around on his knees while I'm riding on his back and calling him 'pony', or having him on a leash to teach him tricks and calling him 'puppy'. Nor am I having sex if I for some reason spank his butt for being naughty. But others do seem to think manicure and pedicure is sex, if one person just happen to be dominating the other person. And it is prostitution if one of them pays the other.
I am not a pro Domme myself, but I know a few of them, and I read the blogs of several of them. And I don't have the impression that they are prostitutes. Yes, they are sex workers, but not prostitutes. If a pro Domme who does not sell genital sex is a prostitute, then a stripper must be one too!
About me
- Miss Lizzie
- I'm a young, Dominant lady. This is a blog for writing down my thoughts on stuff.
1 comment:
I haven't read Norwegian BDSM forums or websites in quite a while, but I had a little discussion about Pro Dommes a couple of years ago. I got the same impression then that you have got now, that many BDSM people in Norway see Pro Dommes as prostitutes. It frustrated me a bit, because like you, I don't see all forms of BDSM as sex. Of course there is a big and important sexual side to BDSM. But BDSM is or can be much more than just sex. Lots of people say that BDSM is a lifestyle, but if it really is a lifestyle, can it really be just about sex? I got the strong impression that "everyone" in the BDSM scene in Norway knows that there are Pro Dommes, but no one talks openly about it. It's "dirty", even though quite a few people are into it. So much for being supposedly liberal people in a liberal country.
I wouldn't pay to be spanked or dominated, I am not into that. And I know that many Pro Dommes are basically into one thing: money. But I still can't get myself to condemn all Pro Dommes. I don't know many Pros, but I know there are Pro Dommes who are experienced, good people, who can teach other BDSM'ers quite a few things, and who deserve respect for who they are. What they do isn't harming anyone, and there is a market for it, so why is it so wrong that some people make a business out of it? It's all consensual. I don't want to pay to be whacked, and no one is forcing me to do it. And it's not exactly like the rest of the BDSM scene is all angelic and innocent.
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