Old blog posts resurrected II

Now, tis' from fall 2006, so my thoughts have changed somewhat since then, but a lot of it still applies!

I am used to dealing with subs who are very service oriented. Not that I have dated very many subs, but I know plenty of them and I have come to know how many subs think. The subs I am talking about like pleasing the Dominant, they want to make sure the Dominant is always well and happy, because they know (either because they are reflective of these kind of things or because they learned through experience) that a happy Dominant is an inspired Dominant who just may have the time and energy to think up the funniest of things (funny depending on who you are and the way you think, of course... I'm talking of funny in a kinky setting).

Now, on the other hand, there is the kind of sub who seems to think he's in for an easy ride. My first experience with a male sub was of this type, and other Doms can confirm that they exist among female subs as well. This kind of subs think they can just lean back and relax, because the Dominant is, of course, supposed to make the decisions about what's going to happen here. They seem to think that they can get what they want when they want it, the Dominant can read their minds and the Dom is there to give them the treat they want. They just want to be 'taken', and of course the Dom always knows exactly how to do that. So when I asked this first sub if there was anything special he'd like to happen in a future setting, he'd just say that was up to me, I decide everything. I was in need of inspiration, this guy flatly refused to communicate and he did not give me the attention I needed. And I'm not talking about dinners at fancy restaurants or a full treatment at the spa (though I certainly wouldn't object to that!), what I wanted was the small things, like a message when I woke up saying he hoped I'd slept well, things like that, just that he'd show he cared. He never did any of those things, he never really showed any interest in ME. He also cancelled a date because he'd rather go skiing with a mate. And he never contacted me unless a couple of weeks passed and he didn't hear from me, so he probably got worried. Needless to say, this dating didn't get very serious.

So what did I learn from my experience? Many things. I don't want a sub who doesn't show that he cares, who doesn't reply when I send messages. When I ask a sub if he's doing OK, I want him to reply with his answer AND ask the same question in return. Who wants a guy who doesn't care about you (or rather, doesn't show that he cares)? I learned that if other things are more interesting than me, then he's probably not worth my time (unless there's something going on, like health and death and other emergencies). I mean, seriously, who would rather go skiing than receiving a good spanking?!

The problem with this lesson is that I have kind of created two categories of subs: the good ones and the lazy bastards. Who would've thought that there might be some people who might be placed in a category in between? Someone who doesn't appear to be perfect, far from it, but who isn't a lazy bastard? I think I've just learned a hard lesson these last couple of days. I'm not going to write about it here now, I still need to think about it a bit. In the meantime, I really should listen to Alanis Morisette's "Ironic" just one more time. Because really, isn't it ironic?